OK, let’s begin with the fact that I am old school. The reason is simple. I am not a Generation Xer, a Millennial or from generation Z. In fact, but for a couple of days, I am not even a true Baby Boomer. I am among the very last of those called the Silent Generation. So, I’m not only old school, I am just plain old.
I think every generation thinks the next generation has gone mad and will ruin the world as we know it. My generation is pretty (I should say staunchly) set in their ways and often has little regard for change.
Case in point. I grew up, and still very much prefer, using a bar of soap at the sink or in the shower. I also like a simple bottle of shampoo clearly marked “SHAMPOO.” No other adjectives or expletives...just “shampoo.” In fact, a bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo are the only things in my shower.
Now, when I visit my kids at their houses, I find I have no idea where to begin. I pull back the shower curtain to find what looks to be aisles seven and eight at Walgreens. There are literally 15 to 20 bottles of all sizes and colors of which I am not familiar. I have no idea what these are, but I begin rummaging through each bottle in hopes of finding something that I can use to wash my body.
Here lies problem number one. In huge letters these bottles proclaim such accolades as fortifying, hydrating, joyful and clean, focused and calm. What? Focused...calm??? What does this mean? Even more aggravating is that the product itself – in this case body wash – is in a font the size of a gnat.
So now, with the water running, I am committed to this search, but since I rarely wear my reading glasses in the shower, I am totally unable to figure out which bottle is which. I also came across one boasting an “all season” body wash, leading me to the conclusion that there are body washes for each season, and you should never use a summer body wash after Labor Day. I finally settle on something that I am hopeful to be some sort of body cleansing liquid.
Then comes the hunt for shampoo. It now only gets worse. Again, in very big letters these bottles make claims like “a clean crisp scent with notes of forest moss, lavender and white birch.” What? I don’t want to smell like a tree, or the forest floor. Another proclaims that it is made with “fair trade” shea butter and is sulfate free. Fair trade??? And once again the product name, that being shampoo, is microscopic.
Another difference in visiting my kids is that there is never any Kleenex in the bathrooms. If you need to blow your nose your only choice is the toilet paper, which is a very poor substitute for Kleenex. I understand this because until I was 50, I never needed or used Kleenex. Now however, with allergies and age, I better have some handy at all times.
While I’m on a rant, there is never a glass or cup in the guest bathroom. Again, I never really needed one until a platoon of doctors began prescribing one pill after another to get me through the day. And now I have my trusty “SMTWTFS” pill box to keep me on track, but I have no way to swallow them.
In the grand scheme of things these are but small irritations at best. I love my kids and my grandkids, and I love visiting them, but I sure miss my simple bar of soap and big bottle of shampoo; not fair trade or free range or gluten free with hints of a soft summer breeze...just shampoo.
Tom Johnson is a Northsider
