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The switch always kept us in line

Jamie Patterson Managing EditorJamie Patterson Managing EditorI grew up with an old fashioned grandmother.
She was the kind of woman who prepared a homecooked meal every night. She snuck me an extra soda pop. She made me milkshakes whenever I asked.
She took me to church every Sunday. She tortured me with every “at home” remedy from days gone by.
And...her switch for us kids was her favorite companion.
I still see a good switch every now and then. But not like those grandmothers had when I was coming up. Every elderly lady within the town limits of Monticello had a long, skinny switch with a few leaves at the end of them.
They took them everywhere. Maw Maw carried hers in her purse. She placed in on the dash of her car on every road trip. She left it in the purse holder of every shopping cart. She even carried that thing in between the pages of Proverbs inside her Bible at church.
Sometimes only a quick shake of it would make us stand at attention. If you were acting up, all Maw Maw had to do was make a quick move towards that switch and you straightened up real quick.
I don’t like to let on like my Maw Maw tortured me with a switch, but it was most certainly her favorite form of discipline. And, believe me, it worked.
I can remember the day when my cousins and I thought we would outsmart my Maw Maw by destroying her beloved switch.
My great aunt had dropped her own grandkids off at the house so she could take her husband to a doctor’s appointment. The two boys didn’t mind staying with Maw Maw. I was a tomboy and would hold my own during any wrestling match or exploration in the back yard.
But, like many Southern families, they were open to any and all punishment from any other close kin. In other words...they were fair game.
It was a hot, summer day when our scheme began to brew in our little minds. We had just been spanked actually for knocking on the neighbors door and running away.
“I hate that switch,” Chris said, rubbing his leg. “Granny has got one too. That’s all they do is switch folks all day.”
“No kidding,” I replied. “Maw Maw tried to get me the other day because she forgot that I talked back to her at breakfast.”
“Well, I don’t know,” Junior said. “I would rather get it over with than something else.”
“What do you know,” Chris asked, with a sneer. “You’re the favorite anyway. You barely get touched. Meanwhile, they beat Jamie and me.”
I shook my head in agreement.
It was then that Chris and I decided to steal Maw Maw’s switch and destroy it. We would even try to do the same with his Granny’s switch next time.
Maw Maw was on the couch, taking her daily afternoon nap. Chris and I eased up to the kitchen counter and snatched that switch as fast as we could.
All three of us raced out the back door and made our way behind the barn. As if we had pulled off a great mission, we celebrated.
Jumping in the air, patting each other on the back...we were unsure of what to do with it.
And then Chris just started snapping the switch in two. Breaking it off piece by piece, it took him a minute to finally destroy the slender stick of pain.
We never heard her coming. We never saw her shadow. But Maw Maw came around the corner like a Major Leaguer stealing homeplate.
Junior just fell to the ground and started crying. I admit that I abandoned everybody because I took off running.
Maw Maw’s elastic arm caught Chris by the neck of his shirt. I am not sure what happened because I never looked back but I heard his cries of anguish.
I stayed away as long as I could. But when I heard Maw Maw bellowing my name, I knew it was time to face the music.
When I made my way to the back porch, Chris stood by Maw Maw with a red face and the sniffles. Junior wouldn’t even look me in the eye, but I can tell he was let off easy. Besides, it was Chris who tore the switch up.
“Well, the three amigos here thought they would outsmart me,” Maw Maw said. “When you ran out giggling, the screen door slammed shut. I woke right up. Came outside to find ya’ll making a fire pile here behind the barn.”
“Get her good,” Chris yelled, looking at me. “It was her idea.”
“Get real, creep,” I replied. “You always try to drag us into stuff.”
Maw Maw broke it up before Chris and I starting rolling in the dirt.
Then she told us to go pick our own switch. I hated when she did that.
As the sun went down that summer day, we accepted our defeat. Maw Maw had won the battle. The switch was returned to its throne.
And the world kept turning.

 

Our Constitution is worth defending

Walter Patterson Herald ColumnistWalter Patterson Herald ColumnistMany years ago, I taught an American history course to a group of high school juniors.  The first thing I did was get this group a copy of The Constitution of the United States of America.  The second thing I did was require that they read it.
When is the last time you read or re-read our Constitution?  I suspect that many have never read it and others have not read it since they left either high school or college.
The Constitution is truly a remarkable document.  The men who wrote it can only be described as “brilliant” because they crafted a document for self-government like nothing that had ever existed.  They had experienced personally the heavy hand of government, and they knew that people function best when government is small and its powers are limited.  Otherwise, like in Europe, it takes only a short time before the politically powerful grow corrupt and begin to oppress the common man.
Unfortunately, there are those among us who would like to do away with our Constitution; specifically, senators and representatives in our own congress. They would never admit it because they are aware that the American people would throw them out of office so they carefully couch their words to mislead the voters.  
Today, the Chuck Shumers and Dick Durbins of the Senate want to eradicate an important portion of our Constitution, the second amendment.  This is echoed by President Obama who wants to limit “gun violence.”  He is careful not to call what he wants to do “gun control” because he knows that members of his own party will not support such a draconian measure.  
But away from Washington, you see wild-eyed liberals advocating that guns be confiscated or that severe restrictions be placed on the type of gun Americans can purchase, or even worse, that all guns be registered.
The founders of this country understood that “a man without a gun is a subject.  A man with a gun is a citizen.”  They envisioned a time when citizens may have to defend themselves against an oppressive government.  Something is going on in America today.  Why is Homeland Security buying billions of bullets?  Why is the Social Security Administration buying billions of bullets? Is it because Obama in 2008 declared that we needed a “civilian army equal to the regular army”?  For what purpose?  Does he intend to form a civilian army that will enforce his edicts?  Will he establish himself as “dictator for life?”  Does he plan to do away with the Constitution and rule by fiat?  I have no idea what his plans are, but I do know that Homeland Security does not need a billion bullets – hollow points at that.  
Have you noticed that in some large cities, the regular army has been conducting maneuvers? Los Angeles is the latest example. Why?  Is the government preparing to put down civilian unrest?  Does Obama already know that his policies will cause the American economy to collapse thus insuring civilian unrest that must be put down by deadly force?
The liberals have introduced a bill in Washington State that would allow the police to come into the home of legal gun owners once a year for an official inspection.  The incompetent police chief of Chicago says that the Second Amendment is a danger to public safety, and all gun shows in a Maryland county have been banned.  
Washington State is a bastion for leftist, Chicago is near collapse, and Maryland is in the control of leaders who suggest that we are living in a post-constitutional democracy.  All of these places are in the control of Democrats and have been for many years.  
The Constitution was written to protect individual freedoms.  Unlike Obama who claims that the Constitution has a list of “negative powers” saying what the government can and cannot do, he wants a list of “positive powers” that tell what the government can do.   When we reach that point in our history, we will be living under a monarchy or dictatorship.
The Second Amendment was never written to protect hunters.  It was written so that private citizens could protect themselves from an oppressive government or from those who would do harm.  The American people know this, and this is why they are arming themselves.  For that reason, I think we will remain citizens – not subjects, and that is a good thing.

 

I guess boys are born that way

Jamie Patterson Managing EditorJamie Patterson Managing EditorI was sweeping the floor when our son James can tumbling in the back door, out of breath and on the verge of being out of his mind.
“Momma, did you see that,” he asked, with his eyes about the size of baseballs.
Normally, I would have kept on sweeping. But something was out of place.
James was breathing in and out like a mad man. His hair was sticking out in all sorts of directions. His tan face had changed into a deep shade of red. Grass stains were all over his sweatpants. There was even a stick lodged in his shoelaces.
“See what,” I asked, putting my hand on my hip.
“Nothing,” he shouted, running back outside.
I looked out the window and saw my husband Jason standing there in a state of confusion. It was as of he was waiting on something.
I later found out that evening Jason was waiting on something....for me to ring his neck.
James had almost killed himself coming down the hill behind our house on his Big Wheel. And it was all Jason’s fault.
You can’t blame a kid for doing something ridiculous. They don’t know any better. But when a grown man still thinks like a kid, they deserve a good lashing sometimes.
I was cleaning the house, and the boys were outside tending to yard duty when I saw the accident happening before it did.
While Jason was raking leaves, James was barreling down a steep hill while driving his plastic Big Wheel.
Jerking the back door open, I yelled my typical-Momma warning.
“Don’t let him go down that hill,” I shouted to Jason. “He’s gonna flip and break his neck.”
“He’ll be fine,” Jason responded. “You worry too much.”
“Do what I said,” I said, closing the door.
What I said was not done because James did flip down the hill.
Going a hundred miles an hour down down that steep hill probably was a lot of fun, but it didn’t take long before his luck ran out.
On about the fifth trip down the hill the front tire fell into a hole created by a mole in the hillside. James went flying into the air, before rolling down the hill. He flipped forward with his feet over his head as he was thrown from his Big Wheel.
I didn’t see any of this because I had foolishly believed the boys were going to follow my orders and had returned to my sweeping.
Jason snatched James up, checked for broken bones, cuts to the head or any other serious injuries. He then dusted the boy off as if flipping down a hill at a high rate of speed was a perfectly normal activity.
When Jason wasn’t looking, James ran inside to me to see if I had seen his Evil Knievel stunt. He described the whole thing with great enthusiasm as if it were a notable accomplishment.
When I later discovered what happened, I gave Jason a lecture once James was tucked away in bed that night.
“I told you what would happen, but I am the one who doesn’t know what I am talking about,” I said. “When will you learn that mothers see things happening before they actually happen. I knew he was gonna come tumbling down that hill.”
Jason continued to blame the mole hole. He even had the nerve to say James “took it like a man.”
That is when it dawned on me that Jason must have had plenty of similar accidents when he was a child because he clearly wasn’t thinking straight. I am all for boys having fun, but when you start getting into the broken bones department...let’s tone it down a little.
I know James can’t help it if he does a couple of ridiculous tricks. He’s a boy, and that’s just what they do.
And considering I usually see Jason laughing right behind James and often actually participating during all these escapades...they must all be born that way.

 

Spending our way to economic disaster

Walter Patterson Herald ColumnistWalter Patterson Herald ColumnistI heard the State of the Union speech last week, and I still don’t believe what I heard.
Talk about a disconnect.  It is clear that Mr. Obama has been hanging around Steny Hoyer, a far-left Democrat from Maryland, and Nancy Pelosi, a leftist Democrat from California, too long.  
Hoyer, earlier in the week, stated, “This country has a paying for problem, not a spending problem.”  That great sage and political siren, Nancy Pelosi, stated, “We don’t have a spending problem, we have a budget-deficit problem.”
Now this might sound logical to a low information voter (LIV), but I must tell you as humbly and as honestly as I can that this kind of talk is emanating from two people who are either insane or they do not care if they lie in front of millions of Americans. No one, not even a liberal Democrat, can say with a straight face that what Hoyer and Pelosi said was logical or true.
The United States is undergoing an economic meltdown, and the Democrats don’t seem to see or care about what is happening.  We are nearly $17 trillion in the red, and yet, Obama wants to spend even more.  He used all of the “focus group” language in his State of the Union address to persuade the LIVs that more spending is the answer to our economic woes.  The speech was filled with words or phrases like  “level playing field,”  “fairness,”  “equality,”  “safety net,” “government investments,” “ the rich need to pay their fair share,”  “living wage,” “affordable health care,”  “mean- spirited,” and “infrastructure repair.”  
He proposed 29 new spending programs that if enacted would cause our national debt to skyrocket and result in catastrophic destruction to an economy already reeling from his socialist economic policies.  Naturally, he claimed that none of these programs would cost a dime, but when have you seen a government program come on line without huge tax-payer funded “investments.”  The answer, of course, is that you never have and never will.  Like Pelosi’s and Hoyer’s statements, his, too,  are totally illogical.
Obama failed to mention that when Obamacare is fully implemented that, according to the Internal Revenue Service, the average family of five will pay $20,000 per year for coverage.  
Obama failed to mention that if you are a smoker, then a $4700 penalty will be added to your insurance premium.  If you work for a tobacco company, I suggest that you find other employment – like “smuggler,” for example.
Obama said,  “If you like your doctor, you can keep him.”  “If you like your insurance plan, you can keep it.”  Both of these statements are as true as Pelosi saying, “We don’t have a spending problem, we have a budget-deficit problem.”  I have a feeling that when the bill finally comes due, the “low information voters” will simply blame George Bush – not Obama.  They fail to realize that Obama’s policies are destroying the economic fabric of this country.
Obama failed to mention that 11,629 people go on food stamps each day.  Over 7,000,000 individuals will lose their health insurance coverage when Obamacare finally kicks in.  He touted “clean energy” and “global warming,”  but he conspicuously failed to mention that gas prices are the highest they have ever been this early in the year.  The United States has more oil than Saudi Arabia and the Middle East, yet this administration is clinging to the already scientifically refuted notion of “global warming” or as the leftist say, “climate change.”
Obama spent as little time as possible talking about the economy and employment for Americans.  Since he has not produced any job growth, he recognizes that this discussion would not be helpful to his radical agenda.
Our economy is in a downward spiral.  We do have a “spending problem and a budget deficit problem.”  The Democrats who say otherwise are doing permanent and perhaps irreparable damage to this country and to its people.  We simply cannot continue on the track we are on.  The good news is that the American voters are beginning to get the message.  According to Gallop, over 65 percent of the American people think that the country is on the wrong track; 57 percent disagree with Obama on taxes; 65 percent disagree with Obama on the budget deficit; 60 percent disapprove of the way he is handling the economy.
The only problem is that the low information voters (LIVs) still blame George Bush.  It is just a fact of life that some people will believe anything.

 

Kindergarten breakups can be tough

Jamie Patterson Managing EditorJamie Patterson Managing EditorThe Patterson home was filled with chatter this week as we prepared for Valentine’s Day.
My husband Jason sneaked around getting presents and other tokens of love.
Our daughter Elsie tried to steal every piece of candy she found, even though I had a secret stash especially for her.
And our son James helped with all the necessary preparations for his party at school.
He was very excited all week about the party that would be held with his classmates last Thursday. From packing goody bags with treats to filling out Valentine cards to making cupcakes with Momma and Little Sister, James was all about the “day of love” this week.
And his little mind is starting to get more curious about the emotion of love, romance and all that comes with it.
“What does breaking up mean,” he asked, as we made our goody bags for school.
I shot Jason a look across the table. I wanted to smirk, and Jason was already making a face.
“Why,” I asked, grabbing another chocolate heart. “Did somebody break up with you?”
Apparently, a little girl in James’ class “broke up” with another little boy. I’m sure it was a very difficult experience for the five-year-old lovebirds.
Jason and I laughed a little as we explained to him what it meant. I think he was more confused than when we started.
“I’m learning all about the gossip of a kindergarten classroom,” I told Jason, as James made his way to his room.
And just last week James asked me about the woes of a broken heart.
We were listening to a song about a man who was down on his luck because his true love ended the relationship. It was a typical “my lady left me and my dog died” tune. The main line of the chorus was even “I would be sad because you left me all alone.”
That got the wheels in James’ head turning.
“Momma, is he serious,” James asked. “Is he really that sad.”
“I guess so,” I responded, looking in the rear view mirror at him. “His girlfriend left him, and he really is sad about it.”
“Why doesn’t he just follow her,” he asked.
I smirked as I explained to him how it usually doesn’t work that way.
Being a mother and extra nosey, I playfully asked James if he had his own girlfriend yet. It seemed like the perfect time to ask.
“No,” he said, looking out of the window. “I ain’t got time for all that.”
It took all I had not to erupt into a fit of laughter.
“You will change your mind about that one day,” I said.
It struck me as kind of cute how James is starting to wonder about “romance,” and apparently how he “doesn’t have time for it.”
When I was a little girl, I had a different crush every week or so. And half the time, the boys were more interested in bugs, slime and other gross things. They really didn’t have time for us girls, and we never could figure out why.
And then I became a teenager, and it was a whole different ball game. Boys began to think about girls constantly. It was always girls and gasoline.
For now, James isn’t too worried about it. He has hunting, fishing, rough housing with his Dad and other things to worry about.
And during those occasional times when he snuggles with me as we watch television, he doesn’t have a clue that he already holds one girl’s heart in the palm of his hand.
.......................................
Jamie Patterson is the managing editor of The Yazoo Herald.

 
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Letters to the editor

Dear editor,
On May 24 our house completely burned except for the outside walls and garage.
Our family would like to thank the Holly Bluff and Tri-Community volunteer fire departments and also the Yazoo City Fire Department, all of the first responders, Sheriff Jake Sheriff, Fire Marshal Washington, Eric Woods of Yazoo Valley Electric and the YVEPA employee who came in the “cherry picker” to turn off the transformers.
Our thanks to Tre Perry and Nikki - my niece and nephew, Frances Dorris and Angie Luckett for literally holding me up and listening to my crying and heartbreak. Thanks also to all of the many others who were there that I probably didn’t see.
Thanks to our grandchildren Cody, Tara and Madalin and our oldest son who came from Pelahatchie to be with us along with Deedra, who also came. We want to thank Francis and William Dorris. Francis took me to Yazoo City in my pajamas that still smelled of smoke to buy all three of us two outfits and necessary items and food. Thanks to Mary Evelyn Huff Jr. for the doughnuts. Thanks to everyone who offered a place to stay and all concerned. Our thanks to Aunt Louise Templeton and Becky for the great barbecue, beans slaw and potato salad. A special thanks to Mr. Ed Goodwin for providing us a place to stay that was already furnished. Thanks to Wendy Riley for letting us get extra clothes from her shop. Oh, and thanks to the American Red Cross for their assistance.
The people in our small community may be few, but the support, love and prayers are huge!
Lastly, thank you Jesus Christ for letting our son John’s Friday night plans fall through. If John had not been home to wake us up, I don’t believe we would be alive today.
God bless each and every person who helped. Thanks to all of you, and with God’s help, we are going to come through this terrible nightmare. Please continue to pray for us.

Ronnie, Linda and John Coghlan

Dear editor,
God loves his children, and he wants us to grow in faith and wisdom. When we live in His grace each day we become closer and closer to our Father.
Call your neighbor today and ask them if they need anything. Let them know that you care about them. Maybe when you’re in a time of need they’ll remember when you checked in on them when they were down in life and you helped bring them back with a kind word that God placed in your heart.
Remember your neighbor.

Rev. John Gallagher
mayor of Eden

glo-baker

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