Jamie Patterson Managing EditorFor the most part, I feel confident in the kitchen.
Now being married to my husband Jason for five years, I have had plenty of time to try a variety of recipes. I was also blessed with a country grandmother who made some of the best dishes around.
Every single recipe from my  Maw Maw that I have tried has been a success. Like many grandmothers, she didn’t actually follow a recipe or use actual measurements. But somehow the food was always perfect.
I have mastered my Maw Maw’s chicken pot pie. Most of the time when we have company coming over, I will make this dish because I’m that confident that it will turn out perfect at the end of the evening.
It has become my signature dish at home. And it’s one where Jason might get up for a second helping.
But for some unknown reason, I decided to try a batch of new recipes last week. Determined to exercise more and eat healthier, I cut out the fried foods. I tucked the butter away in the back of the fridge. And I gathered up a variety of classic recipes with a healthy twist on them.
The first one was a smash success. Instead of frying my chicken in fat and oil, I tried a new way with coating the chicken in Corn Flakes and baking it.
Jason looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I rolled the chicken in a bag of cereal.
“Corn Flakes,” he asked, peeping inside the oven. “I don’t know about this.”
An hour later, he was getting his extra piece of chicken from the pan. He actually loved it, and he was also surprised at how it turned out.
Confident that my healthy recipes were already on a roll, I tried another version of slow cooked red beans and rice. Instead of regular sausage, we used turkey sausage.
I kept in a Crock Pot overnight, and the next day after work it was reheated for supper. It didn’t taste bad, but it just wasn’t the same.
I didn’t eat very much, but Jason had a pretty large bowl of the healthy dish.
I would like to tell you that we went to bed full as ticks and happy as can be. But we didn’t.
We spent half the night and the next day recovering from food poisoning. I’m not sure what happened, but with it being the only thing we both ate, the red beans and rice had to be the culprit.
I doubt we will ever eat red beans and rice again.
So that was my first strike with these new “healthy” recipes.
The next one was a healthier version of shrimp and grits. I followed the recipe exactly. I was determined to recover from my food poisoning failure.
Taking a bite, it felt like my nose instantly cleared up. The taste of onions went all the way down to the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t taste shrimp or grits. It was all onions.
I will admit now that I didn’t make myself a bowl. In fact, I grabbed a hot dog out the fridge before Jason came home.
Once he arrived, he sat down to what he thought would be a nice dinner change for our weekend.
He ate it, but he did a lot of stirring it around in his bowl. It’s the same thing I did when I was a kid. If you stir the food all over your plate, it sure does look like you ate it.
But the nail in the coffin for me was when I sat the pot of it outside for our dog. She normally eats anything, but she sniffed it one good time and walked away.
The dog wouldn’t even eat the mess. We rescued our dog from the Dumpsters down the road, so it isn’t like she’s accustomed to only eating gourmet meals.
I sulked around the house for a week. Within three days, I had poisoned my family and made something the dog turned her nose up at.
Had I lost my touch?
I knew it was bad when Jason took over cooking supper. He has cooked three meals so far this week.
But I have a solution. I am slipping my apron back on, and throwing those awful “healthy” recipes in the garbage.
My butter will be back out on the table. Our biscuits will be covered with gravy. And the cast iron skillet is ready for frying.
Jason and I can limit our portions and exercise more to stay healthy. I have a reputation in our home to keep.
But it may take a few more months to serve red beans and rice again.