Jamie PattersonThere are a few things that a wife must keep from her husband.
Now I’m not saying one should flat out lie to their significant other. But there are things that shouldn’t be mentioned in the first place.
How much money a wife spends is one of those things.
I am the bookkeeper in the Patterson home. I handle the payment of all the bills. I balance the checkbooks. I constantly request receipts so that I can keep up with the numbers.
My husband Jason has absolutely no idea how much money is in the bank. He simply hands me the paycheck and keeps me posted on his purchases so that I can keep the books in order.
Talking with my girlfriends, this practice is not at all that uncommon. Many of them do the same thing.
I know it may sound awful but it’s a very simple system. Husband hands over money. Wife accounts for money. Both spend money. Everyone is happy.
The one thing that I enjoy about this entire procedure is that I can spend how much I want on various items and such. The best part? I am the only one who knows exactly how much I gave for those cute shoes I have been looking at for months. I know to the cent how much I spent on the children’s seasonal outfits. I do not feel guilty about the overpriced luncheon I had with the girls.
Jason pretty much tells me, “If you’re happy and we aren’t in the red, then I’m happy.”
Well, he used to say that...until this week when we received a rather odd phone call.
I had kept getting phone calls from our bank telling me that a red flag had been raised for possible fraudulent expenditures within our checking account. Nervous about whether it was a scam or not, I handed Jason the phone when the recording came over the line again.
Sitting next to Jason’s desk, I watched as he deciphered the message and determined it was a legitimate phone call.
I watched Jason’s face turn a different shade as a look of concern swept over him.
Oh goodness, I thought. Someone has went crazy somehow with our account and cleaned us out.
Jason began writing down a list of these expenditures before looking to me.
Pointing to a rather high transaction, the questioning began.
“Did you do make that purchase,” he asked, pointing to the notepad.
“Oh, yeah,” I said. “That was yesterday when I went grocery shopping.”
Going down the list, I continued to admit my purchases.
“What’s this $26 at a ‘family department store,’” Jason asked.
“Oh, that’s when I stopped at Peebles last week,” I said. “They had a sale.”
“OK, what about $14 at a fast food chain,” he asked.
“That was at Subway,” I said, remembering my pregnancy craving for an Italian sub.
“Is there a $24 thing for a ‘family tourist attraction,’” Jason asked, still listening to the phone recording.
“Yes, that is when we took James to the museum last weekend,” I replied.
Then Jason’s face turned almost white. I began to wonder if there was some outrageous purchase we weren’t aware of. I began to think about the correct procedure if someone steals your bank account numbers.
“Who spent $45 at a ‘family salon,’” Jason asked, citing the recording’s description of the purchase.
I sat still for a moment.
“Oh, yeah, that is when I went to the beauty salon,” I said. “I had a pedicure and my eye brows waxed.”
Hanging up the phone, Jason explained to me that all the potential “fraudulent purchases” that sent our bank into defense mode were all the result of a shopping spree I went on last week.
There was no criminal lurking in the darkness or behind a computer screen. There was no computer hacker stealing our information.
It was a wallet-tossing wife who wanted to spoil herself with an Italian sandwich, a new outfit, a day with the kid and an afternoon at the beauty parlor.
“You spent $45 at the beauty parlor for a foot thing and eyebrow plucking,” Jason asked. “Why would you spend that when all you need at home is a nail clipper and some tweezers?”
His face changed no expression when I explained how women have to get pedicures after the winter season. And waxing is necessary from time to time.
“It takes money to look nice sometimes,” I smiled, walking away. “I don’t like you knowing what I spend at the salon. And I am gonna call the bank and tell them ‘thanks a lot.’”
We both laughed about the incident, but it made me realize one important thing.
Next time, pay with cash. That way the bank won’t call your husband thinking some criminal is going on a spending spree.